A Terrible Fanfic
by awesomelydivergent
Summary: Hello this is awesomelydivergent, and this is a story unlike others. In this fanfic, I am addressing all terrible writing, and the many mistakes most fanfic authors makes. If you are mildly or strongly offended, do not read beyond the AN to get an understanding of the gist, because I don't want to receive complaints on what I warned everyone on beforehand. Read with discretion.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This is a story, that mocks many authors and myself, for writing the most tasteless, cheesy, cliché, and non-edited fanfictions. This is my take on how some authors have written things, that although may have a plot with potential, have terrible writing. If you are at all offended with this fanfiction, do not continue beyond this AN. Read with discretion.**

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><p><strong>Tris POV (because it always needs to be clarified, you doofus!)<strong>

**Chapter 1- First day at new school**

You see, I'm a totally down to earth teenage girl, who has the richest parents in the world! Ya, and I own about three billion cars, and I barely get to see my parents because they're always somewhere making money! My mom is a fashion designer and model because the author can't think of any other appropriate jobs for a supposed-selfless middle-aged woman! And let's skip my dad, because the author is never creative enough to come up with a realistic job besides acting. Ya.

My older brother is Caleb (as if you didn't know), and he's a nerd! Yep, the author can only make Caleb super smart, and me not a nerd like him even though I have an equal aptitude for Erudite!

And we're going to pretend that it's totally normal and legal for two sixteen year olds (I mean, there are no other ages acceptable to write about for authors) to live on their own, with their own estate, and maids and butlers, and Lamborghinis, because it's totally abnegation for anyone to live such a posh life even though there aren't factions in the fanfiction. Ya.

And now the author will do a time skip to add suspense, and fail at it. Ya.

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><p><strong>Four POV and four is my name even in my point of view, I can't call myself by my real name because it's supposed to remain a (poorly) hidden secret. Ya. And add suspense to the story even though everyone reading this story already knows what my real name is.<strong>

I am a hot teenage boy, who wow! Is also sixteen because being sixteen in high school fanfictions, sixteen is the only acceptable age. Now the author will try to be cute and write about my morning, even though it is mirroring Tris's (wait I'm not supposed to know her name- she's new) morning.

But wait, the author will attempt to add suspense by making me grit my teeth in annoyance as I stretch over to pull my shirt off. Oh wait, it's totally normal to start getting dressed without getting out of bed first.

And now the author will do another time skip because she has no creativity what so ever to describe my daily morning rituals whatsoever. Ya.

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><p><strong>Tris POV<strong>

I'm now driving to school in my *author searches most expensive car model and plugs it in here* and pull up in the parking lot, despite the fact that most tenth graders aren't sixteen in the beginning of the year, only after the cut-off date which is after December 2. Oh well. Let's ignore that small fact.

Everyone faints and watches and points at my awesome expensive car, and that makes me upset, because I didn't expect anyone to gawk over my pricey car, because it's totally normal for teenage girls to own a whatever the author put down as my car. Did I mention, that my older brother Caleb also drove to school in an expensive car of his own too, even though the glamour is downright unnecessary, the author must make Tris's life seem perfect, and on the inside, she is dying.

The author will not disclose the reasons Tris and Caleb are going to a new school to keep readers in suspense. Oh, who am I kidding?

Without even locking my car door and having a backpack of some sort, I walk into the principle's office, because every new student needs the principle to hand them their schedule, there isn't ever another way, and say hello to Ms. Ryes or Ms. Mathews, because they are the only characters suitable to play principle in high school fanfictions. Ya.

I get in a small disagreement with whoever the principle is, and Caleb appears out of nowhere and walks beside me to who knows where, and compare our schedules. This is the only acceptable way for an author to describe Tris's schedule:

Caleb has all AP and I have none. Ya.

Homeroom/Spanish III

Geometry/With Lab

Music (I cannot be in orchestra or in band, I must be talented in both and play all the instruments known to man-kind because I am some sort of amaing not-amazing teenage girl)

Biology/With Lab

AP US History

Lunch

English

Studio Art

Gym (the author ceases to elaborate what kind of gym class it is because she forgets that after ninth grade, students can choose what kind of gym class they want.)

Oh yay. These are my classes. Now the author will not describe the structure of the school, or the hallways, or where I am heading, besides that I simultaneously transported to the front of my locker and open it without even putting in a combo, wowie!

And even though it's the first day and usually most people wouldn't have anything to put in their lockers (possibly a lunch) I will throw all my notes that I somehow have without even have gone to any classes, and slam my locker shut and miraculously no teacher will yell at me for being so disrespectful. Ya.

Oh ya, and the author is too lazy to come up with an appropriate scene, so I have to saunter into class minutes late even though the bell never rung, and no one did the pledge of allegiance. Ya, I just missed all that cuz I'm completely deaf. The author forgot that cuz isn't a word, and puts in all types of typos.

Caleb mysteriously disappears, and even though it was just stated that the hallways were completely deserted and class already started, Tris didn't notice the six foot tall hot teenage boy standing and bumped right into his chest.

The author will not state who this boy is to add suspense.

I apologetically mumble a sorry, and somehow this boy still stands there not winded at all by the fact that a petite blond girl just trampled into him. Ya.

I walk into Spanish completely late, the author somehow forgets that teachers are actually caring people and would be completely okay with a new student who has never gone to this school before to be late, because somehow students in fanfictions never get lost on their first day, the teacher makes me tell the class about myself in Spanish.

I begin to speak, *author inserts some crap she translated into Google Translate, without at all trying to research how to say any of it because inaccurate is always okay if its for the sake of laziness*

The teacher must now be wowed even though most students already know how to talk about themselves by Spanish I, and everyone must be in awe even though I am just an ordinary student.

With lots of cars. And lots of freedom. And no responsibility.

Now the teacher must let me sit in the only seat conveniently available, shockers, it's right next to the boy I bumped into earlier. How did he get here before me? He didn't even move from his spot when I last saw him? Oh well, the author lacks creativity and decides to go along with it. Ya.

Now all the girls who just so happen to be popular begin to glare at me for sitting next to the ohmygosh hottest guy in the grade, but I'm too down to earth to notice that. Ya.

And now, (wow such a creative beginning of the last three freaking sentences, way to go author, pat on the back!) I must zone-out of the lesson because Tris has so much more to worry about, and the author *tries* to create suspense by not elaborating on what's got Tris' mind so busy. Is it food? Is it the boy sitting next to her? No one knows!

This is a great spot for a switch, sarcasm!

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><p><strong>Four POV<strong>

I must now speak in a monologue describing the past events the author will just cut and paste into my pov, which is entirely tasteless, using he instead of she.

A blonde with the most amazing gray-blue eyes *author inserts color name no one ever uses to for creativity* air superiority blue. Ya.

She looks so cute even though I didn't even get to see her face since she didn't look up, I must mean her body was cute I'm such a pervert. Wait, did I just call her cute, now I must reprimand myself in my mind because everyone does that.

_You can't think she's cute To-Four (_wow author is putting us in suspense, we just found out a part of his name, wowie_) you have a beautiful girlfriend, Lauren! Get your shit together, the author is right, you can't just think a girl is cute when I've been dating a beautiful girl for two whole years._

The author just came up with a creative way to include that Lauren has been my girlfriend for two years. But in this story, Lauren is the girl who has a vendetta for Tris unrightfully, despite that Lauren is supposed to be jealous that I talk to another girl. What girlfriend would be okay with their boyfriend talking to a cute girl? Ya, but the author is too blinded by Fourtris perfection and the perfect ten, so Lauren HAS to be the bad girl in this story.

OMG I just revealed the plot whoops! Wait what?

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><p><strong>Tris POV<strong>

Now the author has skipped to lunch because this is the only acceptable period of the day for Tris to make friends. But Tris must always be a down to earth badass who doesn't need friends, but somehow gets dragged to a group of one by a crazy girl Christina- who has no other interests besides beauty products. Wait what? I just talked about myself in third person. Craaaazzzzyyyyy!

And even though I treat everyone like shit because rich kids are the superiority, Christina gushes over how cute I am, and how cute my clothes are, even though it was clearly stated by both in the books, that I am not cute or pretty.

And Christina can only be invested in fashion, and I am such a cool person that it is okay for me to shush her even though I've only known her for 26 seconds. Now she must introduce me to all her friends who just so happen to be in the same lunch period, and they are all looking at me eagerly.

Wait what? Mystery boy with the beautiful (author tried to be creative with color names) International Klein Blue eyes sits at the same table as us. Not to mention, his girlfriend of two years who I will treat disrespectfully even though I have no right to come between their relationship, is here too.

The table is conveniently big enough to fit all of us, and everyone just accepts me here. Ya.

Oh and the author will conveniently forget about Caleb, and make me enjoy my lunch, and Christina and Marlene (even though those two have never been that close in the books) suddenly become my best friends within a snap of the fingers, even though I have a bored expression on my face and tune out of their fashion invested conversations. Ya. That's how the world and all relationships work. Ya.

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><p>Now we must do a time skip because classes aren't important- and wait the author completely forgot to write Four POV at the top. Now that wouldn't happen, if the author proofread their fanfics for once, but oh well.<p>

I must recap all the events at lunch basically restating everything from Tris' pov because lunch is THE ONLY IMPORTANT CLASS.

Granted, everyone just accepted her in our group no sweat, and neither Tris nor I feel like stating who exactly is in the group. Ya.

And I give my girlfriend a goodbye kiss that turns into a heated make-out session by her locker ignoring the fact that we are still in school and any sort of PDA is prohibited. Oh well.

I begin to grope her chest, and no one is stopping us because I am a badass that no one can deal with, but who secretly has a soft spot because and sympathize with others. Not to mention I am in a fragile state and have a terrible home life but wait, you're not supposed to know that!

Unlike in other high school where each hallway has cameras, ours conveniently lacks any, so I continue kissing Lauren even though this is supposed to only be a goodbye kiss.

Without warning, I lift her into my arms, drop all my stuff, and carry her out of the building while still kissing her because I can totally do that, and drive home, still without breaking the kiss, wow I should earn a trophy or something that's legit, and the author completely forgets that I have an abusive father who should still be home at this time, because she is blinded by all the hot romance. Ya.

The author will not describe the scene any further to create suspense, even though every dipshit on the planet can guess that Lauren and Four- I mean me, talking in third person again!- have done the dirty, tee hee!

Ya.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Two updates in a day? Rare, but those of you awake at 11pm, here you go! Read with discretion.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2- Creative Name for Chapter is Inserted Here<strong>

Oh em gee, his it's Four, wait am I talking to myself again? The author didn't feel like writing about the sex scene and the events afterwards, and she also didn't specify the time and date.

Everyone is back in school, so it must be Monday. It must.

"Hey baby! I love you!" Yep, my girlfriend, as if you didn't know from the greeting, walks to me. And we begin to have a heated make-out session in the middle of the hallway, and even though we haven't gone to homeroom, we go over to the supply closet, and do the dirty in there.

In school.

(Kill me)

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><p><strong>Tris POV<strong>

Yes because no other character is important besides Four and I, because the author is blinded by all the Fourtris perfection. Ya.

Now the author must describe my morning, trying to make it sound interesting and failing desperately. As for my clothes, the author will insert clothes names that she can't even pronounce, and because of my never ending money, I never repeat outifts! YAYAYAY!

Without even getting out of bed, I head to the bathroom and shower, because morning showers are the only time acceptable, and I walk downstairs and eat breakfast, in the nude. I didn't dry myself whatsoever, and didn't dress.

Caleb telepathically transports himself to the table and is not at all surprised at my nudity, must be because I do this everyday. Now, I must pretend to be Hazel Grace, and he is Augustus Waters, and we both begin to have a heavy make-out session.

Despite the fact that I just showered, Caleb, I mean Gus, has super-strength and carries me to his bedroom and we're always okay, and the author keeps her readers in suspense by not stating what we did in his bed, but one can guess, right?

We carved wooden flutes. Ya.

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><p>And with our super-powers Caleb and I miraculously make it to Divergent Faction High (such a creative name) in time, and I'm still naked, and Caleb is no where to be found. I run into homeroom in the nude, and now the teacher notices, and points it out.<p>

I gasp and sigh, and I slide into my desk next to Tobias.

_Wow she's so hot. The author forgot to change the point of view, so I'm having a monologue in Tris's POV, but hey! This wouldn't happen if she proofread her story! Wait what am I thinking? I'm thinking that it's totally normal to reprimand myself in my mind. The author also forgot that I just had sex with my girlfriend in the supply closet and shouldn't have been able to get to class on time, but this is Fanfiction! I'm supposed to be happily inlove with my girlfriend, what's going on? Tris! No, Lauren! Tris! Lauren! Tris! Lauren! Both!_

_Wait what?_

Now it is Tris's POV again even though it was always hers all along besides the inserted Four's POV. Wait, now I'm talking in third person, what?

I don't have any pockets since I'm still in the nude, and did not get sent to the principle's office for it yet, I forgot to put clothes on, but I remembered my cellphone! And now since the author noticed that my life has been going extremely unrealisticly well, she will try to give me flaws.

Dramatic sigh, my phone begins to ring, but the ringtone is not specified either. OH WELL, yep. Go along with it.

"Tris! Even though it's only the second day of school and most teacher's would not be able to memorize their student's names, turn your phone off!"

And I shall attempt to be apologetic and since I don't have any pockets, the only appropriate place for my phone to be is inserted up in my vagina. Did I mention that my vagina can fit five dicks in at once? Ya.

I reach my hands in, and realize that it's a large cavern and moist, and I begin to use my phone as a dildo, even though none of this would be able to escalate to this point in real life but this is Fanfiction so go with it, and get turned horny af! All dem boys in the classroom are staring at me at this point, but it doesn't matter, they just want some booty. Lauren seems to be seething in rage at this point, because the author doesn't want to elaborate on their tense friendship not.

Now the author will try to be non cliché and make a lesbian girl fondle my boobs as a way of asking me out, because, hey! Boobs are important! Four doesn't respond well to it, and tackles her down.

"TRIS EVEN THOUGH I'VE ONLY KNOWN YOU FOR LESS THAN 48 HOURS, I LOVE YOU, WILL YOU BE MY SECOND GIRLFRIEND?!" Tobias, wait I'm not supposed to know his name, exclaims at the top of his lungs, and jumps next to me.

"YES TOBIAS EATON WHOSE NAME I KNOW WITHOUT YOU EVER TELLING ME, I WILL GO OUT WITH YOU EVEN THOUGH WE ONLY MET 48 HOURS AGO, DESPITE THE FACT THAT I WILL BE YOUR SECOND GIRLFRIEND, LET'S NOT FORGET LAUREN!"

The author is too blinded with the Fourtris perfection, and completely transforms the scene to the supply closet to suite their oh em gee Fourtris perfection dreams! And to celebrate as our first date to our new relationship without Lauren's consent, we begin to sext ourselves.

The author is too occupied and writes a terrible lemon scene in attempt to compensate for the pain we all felt after Allegiant, that Tris died having sex only once. Wait what?

I DIE?

"Honey, I am psychic and read your mind, don't worry about dying, this is Fanfiction, we are IMMORTAL! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Yes, mmm go! Random sex moans because that's the biggest priority at the moment!" The author is forgetting that this is a T-rated story and begins to terribly describe a sex scene. Here goes:

Tobias undresses me, and pulls my clothes off (same thing) sexily, because what other way is there. Even though the author clearly stated that I was naked already, this seems legit so whateves.

Tobias is conveniently derobed and I gasp at his dick. "OH MY GOSH WHAT THE FRICK FRACK PADDY WACK SNICK SNACK CRACKERJACK LAMBER LACK THUMBTACK APPLE SNACK! THAT THERE COCK IS SO LONG, IT'S LONGER THAN THE EARTH'S EQUATOR, IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!"

Even though it was stated in the books that I am flat chested, the author conveniently makes my boobs a 34-D, and Tobias *expertly* after all that sex with Lauren twists my twin peaks. He is the mechanic to my humongo jumbo balls of fat attatched to my chest, and grows a third hand and begins to finger me like he is looking for lost treasure. Ya.

NO QUOTATION MARKS CUZ IM BADASS OH EM GEE I THINK I AM GOING TO CUM. And if you didn expect it, Tobias and I cum in unison, and the cum ball together and because of quantom physics and the fact that this is Fanfiction, transport directly into my womb and make a fetus. Because in Fanfiction, one cannot have sex and not get pregnant.

"Round two later?" Tobias says sexily like some kind of wild sex crazy beast and I nod my head but trip over a random sock, and Tobias catches me. Kind of.

With his dick.

My mouth conveniently latched onto his dick while I was tripping because it is totally possible. And now I must begin to initiate round two by giving the most wonderful blow job ever being the experienced slut that I am. Ya.

And like 23 seconds later, Tobias cums again and I swallow all dem white sugar and he lifts me up no sweat with his super powers, and so that I am facing away from him.

He inserts his 3735472936463920462626374392 million miles long dick in my anus and we scream in pleasure even though we are in school. But everyone's in class so that is the author's excuse to go on with the fourtris perfection.

From all the sex we had, we fall asleep together in a heap of limbs, bodily fluids that can easily transport deadly disease but hey no one uses condoms, and sweat.

"Oh no." I say frantically, because it is impossible to deliver this kind of news happily.

"What?" Tobias says sexily.

"Even though we only had sex 23 seconds ago, I am pregnant, and the the vast number of unexpected pregnancy stories on Fanfiction can support it."

"Oh no. Let's forget about emotional stability and worry about how I might become abusive like my father." My boyfriend of 23 seconds replies, and I nod in agreement even though I was completely unaware of his abusive father.

"We can do this babe!" We walk out of the supply closet completely naked, and even though I just found out about my pregnancy 23 seconds ago, I am the size of a whale and Tobias lifts me up.

Oh wow look at that strange fluid on the floor, it looks a lot like-

"BEATRICE SIX PRIOR, your water just broke, on board the ambulance!" The school just so happens to have an ambulance in stock and they strap me onto the gurney and wheel me into the emegency room for many reasons. First, the author doesn't shit about hospitals. Second, forgot to mention the ambulance ride to the hospital. Ya.

And now even though labor takes many painful hours. Tris is extremely calm, and the babies slide out of her vagina which is large fom all those dicks shoved up in there.

The only line appropriate:

"I'm a dad!"

"They're beautifu!" Plot twist, the author thought she was being cute by making them twins but woah. Overused.

Granted, one is a girl and one is a boy. "Let's give the boy an average name and the girl a name even the author cannot pronounce because it must be unique and this is Fanfiction!"

"MistiliniaAzure Endola Gansalma Prior and Joe."

"It's perfect." The names MUST always be perfect because it is a cheesy attempt at not being cheesy on Fanfic. ya.

And now the author must attempt at making this longer because she has a specific word count goal in mind, so she will type random conversations between the characters and plot twist!

Lauren my boyfriend's girlfriend appears by my side, and rips the babies out of our hands in anger, "WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU FUCKING DO THIS TO ME?!"

"Lauren you sort of are the mother to these children along with Tris. I am still dating the both of you so do not worry honey."

A tear of sadness slides down my face, because sadness is the only emotion acceptable in cheating, as they mash their tongues and faces together. I do not worry at all at allowing my young children to watch the explicit scene because of my extreme sadness.

Her boobs jiggle but manage not to fly off her chest as Lauren rides my boyfriend, and they make slapping sounds as their skin come in contact. I decide to take my man back, because in fanfiction, the boyfriend is never guilty when cheating just the girl he is cheating with is hit with revenge.

My babies somehow disappear out of site and the doctors and nurses do not attempt to break it up. I join in the threesome and we have awesome sex, and the author forgets that the babies might have been Gus' since Hazel and him had sex earlier in the morning. Oh well.

And they all lived happily ever after. Ya.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Read with discretion.**

**Tris POV **

**Chapter 3- **

"BUTTRICE PRIOR YOU GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE SO I CAN FUCK YOU RIGHT IN THE PUSSY!" My abusive boyfriend Peter Hayes says. See, although I am supposed to be extremely perceptive in the book, I didn't see it coming when Peter started to hurt me. Ya.

"Coming master!" You see, we are not an ordinary couple. I somehow refuse to tell the cops because Peter's dick is hella long, AND BOOTIFUL! We make a good team, because even though I am no longer tight from all my sluttiness, Peter keeps me around because I'm the best he can do. Ya.

"I CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING BALL!" Suddenly the walls crumble down when the hot man-dude comes in on a wrecking ball.

"AW MAN I WAS GONNA FUCK HER RIGHT IN THE PUSSY!" Peter my boyfriend as if you didn't know screams rendering me deaf but that's okay because hand is all anyone needs.

"BUTTRICE I HAVE COME TO SAVE YOU!" Tobias Eaton whosename I shouldn't have known screams but I am too terrified to say yes to because he's got a big wrekcing ball and could easily smash us for sexing ourselves.

Before my eyes, Tobias rips off his clothes sexily and I am blinded by his 395736194727194727194728104733619395959272849394715152850 million mile long dick because I want dat booty.

Peter gasps and I gawfaw at the dick's beauty, and Tobias walks sexily over to us.

"THIS IS MY SWAMP!" BECAUSE SHREK IS LOVE AND SHREK IS LIFE THAT'S ALL Y'ALL NEED TO KNOW!

Tobias sexily places one foot over the other and since the author has not stated the condition he is in, let's assume that he's horny and high af. Or stoopid. Either works.

"OH OH TOBIAS HAVE YOU EATON MY ASS?!" Tobiasdickface bends me over, and Peter bends me the other way and then they get into a bending contest and before I can be snapped in half like the twig I was described as in the book, I shout, "I HAVE AN IDEA!"

The author doesn't feel like writing a dialogue so we are expected to be pyschic and read her mind. But if you are an ordinary negative nancy that's hella fine because a threesome is about to go down.

Tobias sexily enters my anus with his 302748302749301739 million miles long penis and Peter raids my vagina with his dick, and I hear a jealous (because jealous is totally a noun now) and see GusCalebFaggot enter the room and tries to join in the threesome. Instead I give him the best blow job ever.

"I'M GONNA CUM" WE ALL SCREAM IN UNISON AND THE AUTHOR CAPITALIZED ALL THIS BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO BLINDED BY ALL THE FOURTRIS PETRIS AND GUTRIS PERFECTION YEP YEP YA.

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><p>And now a time divider is in place because the author couldn't find a way to complete the scene and realized it was entirely useless, but she was too excited for all the ships.<p>

Magically as if the last two previous chapters didn't happen, Tris's babies are no where to be found because the author didn't feel like incorporating the little tiny creatures in her story because it takes too much energy.

It is the third chapter if you were not aware, and by the third chapter in every single freaking Divergent fanfic, Tris, I mean I, oops, must fall in love with Tobias Eaton. And even though that's fine if the main genre is romance.

What isn't fine is that many authors lack creativity and overuse the same plot and leading events to the unrealistic development of my crush on hot mcHottie.

"HEY TRIS EVEN THOUGH YOU JUST MOVED HERE AND MARLENE AND I BARELY KNOW YOU, YOU ARE OUR AUTOMATIC BEST FRIEND BECAUSE WE ARE DESPERATE, SO AS OUR BEST FRIEND IT IS OUR JOB TO BE SHALLOW GIRLS WHO WILL DRAG YOU AROUND TO BUY A CUTE OUTFIT FOR A GAME OF TRUTH OR DARE!" Wow, that was a mouthful.

"I MUST NOW PRETEND TO BE AGITATED AND HUFF IN ANNOYANCE." Oh no, I just read my stage directions, oops, hashtag sorrynotsorry. And now with my amazing money that never seems to run out, and that my parent's never put a cap on and are completely okay with me buying anything, we raid the most expensive stores and waste hundreds of thousands of dollars on basically:

-A BLACK crop top

-A BLACK tanktop

-BLACK Doc Martins

-BLACK super tiny way-to-tight skinny jeans

-A BLACK Victoria Secret G-string thong

-A BLACK push-up bra that makes my boobs wonderfully booby

-A BLACK super-rad leather jacket

Yep, everything must be black because the author has no other way whatsoever and no creativity to loop back to the original books with the black, dauntless, style. Instead she must rub the details in the readers face, black everything. Get it? Get it?

"TRIS EVEN THOUGH MARLENE AND I SHOULD BE PRO- MAKEUP ARTISTS BECAUSE OF OUR ABILITY TO BASICALLY GIVE YOU FACIAL RECONSTRUCTION WITH JUST MAKEUP, WE AREN'T." Ya, because those two have so much talent but high school students can't use their talents on anything besides looking good.

Unlike any normal teenager who would have a mountain of homework waiting for them to do, I don't because I have super hero powers and can finish all of it in the blink of an eye.

Caleb is not at all mentioned because he is not of importance unless it involves embarrassing me by yelling at me not to get a room with Tobias. Oh wait, big shock, plot reveal, oops hashtag sorrynotsorry.

"TRIS LET'S ALL ABOARD YOUR FERRARI AND DRIVE TO THE PARTY AT UNNAMED PERSON'S HOUSE, KAY?" The author also did not feel like describing the car ride, if the radio was on, if it was raining outside, if they stopped at the gas station. Nope, all that stuff is unnecessary because such as therefore. Ya.

And all my friend's are teleported to the living room and I grab that motherfucking red cup and drain every last drop of whatever illegal drink it was because I am irresponsible, and in society's eyes, all teenagers must act like this. Ya.

"TRIS, EVEN THOUGH YOU'VE HAD ONLY ONE GLASS, YOU MUST ACT LIKE A CRAZY LUNATIC, AND IS DRUNK. YEP." Oh no, not again, I read my stage directions aloud. Now I stumble around the room and grind on some people, casually cuz it's totally normal.

Let me state that I am a lucky duckling and do not have any STDs. Y'all should be like me, let's have fun with no consequences.

And just as all the pigs in the world began to fly, everyone who I was grinding against and watching, all disappeared and only the important people- Me, Tobias, Christina, Marlene, Lauren, Zeke, Uriah, Shauna, Lynn, Al, Peter, Gus, Will, Molly, Drew, Eric, Nita, and Matthew are left standing with me even though the room was never indicated. Oh poop.

"ALRIGHT Y'ALL, LET'S PLAY CANDOR OR DAUNTLESS- AH SHIT WRONG SCRIPT, FUCK!" Uriah screams in irritation, and we all laugh because our lives are so boring that this is the only funny thing ever, and now the director does a second take.

"Lights, camera, action! Rolling, Scene 4, Take 2. And... action!" Woah, he said action twice, or thrice. Whatever.

"TRIS, ROUNDS HAVE GONE BY AND NOW I, YOUR BEST FRIEND CHRISTINA, *PLOT TWIST* DARE YOU TO PLAY SEVEN MINUTES IN HEAVEN WITH TOBIAS EATON!" Wow, and I will fully accept that challenge because I am totally badass and wait a minute I was never given the choice of truth or dare but I accept defeat.

Lauren seems super pissed and I grab Tobias and mash my face unto his and we're making weird sounds, and just might make babies together again. Even though I have no problem being naked as it was indicated of the past events in the previous chapters, I blush and we head to a bedroom, and I slam the door shut and Tobias must sexily but yet vulnerably in the same time offer to just stay in here doing nothing. As if.

I pounce on him like a cheetah on a gazelle, and one minute our clothes are there and the next, they're gone. Oops, that was random!

And now I must dig my fingers into his back as he enters his 38539057398629857983475983758369385903574 million mile long sword into me even though I shouldn't be clawing at him since I can fit five dicks in at once but whatever. And we make weird grunts, wait we were only supposed to be borderline French kissing what has become of us!

And since sex has been getting old, we try something new which means SEX TOYS YA! Yay, out of nowhere, the now unnamed person is clarified as Nita's house and this is her bedroom and she didn't object at all that we're doing each other in here.

I slide on her vibrating underwear and hey I shouldn't be the only one having fun, Tobias screams like a girl in pain when I shove Nita's extra-large Shrek dildo up his poop hole, and we lay there staining the floor.

And no one comes for us. Wow.

Where are parents when all these parties happen? I guess we will never know.

* * *

><p>"I KNOW WHAT TO DO, WHEN I HAVE TO POOP." Oh no, they have caught me listening to my favorite song oh no woe is me. I begin to caress Tobias gently to wake him up, but wait! It was never stated if I was awake too, so I'm sleep walking!<p>

We begin to grope each other, and have sleep sex and oops no condom and Lauren still hasn't reappeared to claim her boyfriend, and wow what nice friends Christina and Marlene are they just left me here oh well sad life not good friends more random thoughts to reach specific word count.

I leave the party and start up my Ferrari, in the nude because the author never stated that I redressed so go along with it and wow I was not at all flagged down by the cops for walking in town naked.

And we will just ignore the fact that if Tris's Ferrari was still here then her friends who she carpooled with would have no way to get home but whatever. And somehow after the smash awesome Fourtris sex my body is free of scratches and hickeys and I look fresh and clean even though we know I am far from it.

I get out of my car, wow that was a quick ride home! And next I collapse onto my bed even though there's no way I could have gone from my driveway to my bedroom in mere nanoseconds but hey just go with it.

And now, I completely disregard the semen and sweat on me and get comfortable around my house infecting everywhere I go with my super awesome fantastic terrific excellent superb top-notch sex spree. Ya.

GusCalebFaggot is not home and is god knows where, and I do nothing all day. The exceptions being eating, taking a shit, and a cycle of peeing. Ah, can you hear that? Exactly, the silence of MY NOT BABIES IN MY NOT HOME AFTER I NOT GAVE NOT BIRTH TO THEM NOT JUST A WHILE AGO. YEP. GO WITH IT.

And then I get all sad and depressed for a few seconds and take a hit of crack, cocaine, snow, pot, marijuana, ah what the hell the author is showing how unaware they are by not even knowing that pot and marijuana are the same damn thing.

_No one understands me._

_I'm all alone._

*Key to start shitty song lyrics which I will flawlessly sing along with*

And now the author will copy and paste some song lyrics from a band or singer she has never even heard of before because to her the song is touching, and Tris must display her connection to the song by occasionally wiping a tear or sniffling.

I am a misunderstood teenager who is unloved. Right. Unloved. Totally. Like she didn't just have a hardcore makeout session and numerous sex partners over the course of the past year but Tris is supposed to be sad and depressed and overall derpy in this scene. Yep. The author's attempt at being not cliché.

And now I weild a razor to myself and drag it out on my skin spelling words like "perfect" and "beautiful" (seriously, I have no clue what I am doing) and even though Tris has an aptitude for the Faggot McNerds faction, she didn't plan it through and is all surprised when she sees the massive amount of blood leaving her.

"Oh no! Whatever shall I do?" And suddenly my mom appears out of nowhere and screams my name and cries even though I love her but this is her fault for leaving a 16 year old to live on her own, I mean what did she expect?

And now my eyes must close, not permanently, oh wait I was not supposed to say that because the author wanted it to be a non cliché surprise for Tris to miraculously survive losing ten billion gallons of blood and learns to love herself by going to a support group like Hazel Grace. Ohmygosh I just revealed the plot oops hashtag sorrynotsorry.

Bye!

_To be continued... _


End file.
